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Ashes to PhoenixHonor student, writer
Letter my life in calligraphic scriptures
And leave me to myself.
Now I am a worker bee
Oh, a member of society
So far from what I used to be
So far away from you.
She likes to dance, likes to be stationary
Likes to keep away from me
She broke my heart, before the spring set in
Before I could catch my breath.
Look how far I've come
Baby, covered in oil and grime
Ashes to ashes, shit to shit
Ashes to phoenix
I cleaned myself
With your amber, lavender, vegan soap
And came out smelling like a dump.
"Every rose has its
Sewing needles, scissors, ball point pens:
Is my sanity.
Bar shaped shadows
Dance across my bed like
Would if I were anyplace else.
And all I ever want to do is
Sleep but everything keeps moving by
At the speed of light and I can't swallow my own spit anymore
Without it tasting like someone else's.
Must be all the pills they've got me on...
Shouts back contradictions when I think
So I don't think much anymore.
Butter knives and paper cranes;
All the things that they won't let me have...
As I dream of oblivion from this cracker-box paper cell.
Bottled UpDon't look at me,
With lying, glossy eyes
Don't pull my heart strings
Until you've ripped out every seam
why don't you hear me scream
and see me cry?
You cradle every fragile wound
You play along with every game
without you I would never be the same
You're a bum, and you are perfect.
Imperfectly, ignoring me
Forgetting that I've lost my way
And trying, always, to comfort me.
I can't see that you're perfect.
too young to be so cynical,
too old to make-believe
too much of an emotional
to sew back up these broken seams [can you do it for me?]
A cliche, fickle drama queen.
[you cradle every shallow wound,
but miss all the inf
Friends Until TomorrowWe are
For a moment
Inseperatable until we go our seperate ways
At the end of each exultant day.
Will you support me for
That flashes by like headlights
On an ague, langiud night?
Or whenever it's convenient
For our ever-busy lives
Where every moment is a lie.
The Reason I am Breathing"You are lost
And I am losing
Can you feel the crystal raindrops
Are you desensitized?
I can see the light!
How bright it shines
Oh, almost blinding,
It came too late.
Please don't turn your back
On your convictions, on your friends,
And on your dreams.
Please don't lose it all
Don't lose control like I did
I beg of you
Don't say that it's too late
For you to feel the rain
And see the light
Don't say that it's too late
Like I did."
We're getting married today
The ones who cry out "Your mistake!"
Huddle up together on one side
The ones who held my hand
Stand to my right
The sun is shining, music plays
and I am suffocating
On your open-eyed affection!
On our matching platinum rings
And on this light.
I found the note this morning,
It was crinkled by her palm
It was meaningless to me
Because I hold my friends and my convictions
Close like death
And I can feel the crystal ra
To Hell With HappinessSenseless treason
What's the reason for this blatancy
I can still be all that I want to be
Without wearing a banner, a decree
Then everyone would copy me.
Shh, keep your loved ones close
And all your secrets closer
Keep your soul contained within
One hollow flask
To hell with Lovers!
And to hell with all Best Friends
Who needs companions
On this bumpy, one-lane path
Of lost convictions to the past
Alone at last.
Change this lifeHiding in the shadows
Resisting in secrecy
Trying to find a way
To change this life of misery
The future is unknown
The past is to forget
The present is dull and boring
Is this what life has to offer?
I want to change
And I keep trying
Only to fail miserabily
Every single time
A lifeA life
when i stimulated the prayers of rib-beat
when i licked the temple of my teeth,
speed pushed my fingers shaped like confessionals
clasped holy, carved my throat to fixing-
lover; i did this for the anthem of your eyes,
the feel of strangled feet crushing the fame of stars
for the glow of streetlight worship, for the moons
of your crooning throat, for the halls of your arms,
the strayed revels of your arms,
lover: you manufactured a god out of the drugs i used
and had me addicted to the divine, to the dignity of music
you pressed in my direction: just what i am, hallelujah,
marijuana, day and night-
lover, i fell in love with your culture
that preached the real definition of dusked kneecaps,
the plea of closeted throats, the whisper of bless,
unlearning how to say please god in borrowed tongue,
i fell in love with your attention, nervous grace
lover. i levied the rubble of my sins
Synesthesia - III have learned not to say
when your voice burns under my tongue -
learned not to shiver
at the cold of sirens on the street -
learned not to describe
the pricks and strokes and touches.
I have learned that skin cannot hear,
nor ears feel
(whichever it is).
How strange to think:
I may travel all my life
and never find a lover who can hold my laugh in his palms.
Even The City KnowsIs it at all easy?
Being by yourself, I mean.
Sitting in a car, on a train, on a bus--wherever you might be now, isn't it hard to be a drifter?
There are no men with newspapers, no women with strollers, no love-crazy teenagers, no annoying toddlers, no anybody.
You stare out the window, like there are people out there, calling your name. The trees are out there, and they've lost all their leaves, all their buds--they've lost everything, just like you.
The sky is out there, and it's gray and colorless, just like you.
The stars are out there, and they're so blown-out-of-proportion, and they're just like you, too.
But the trees, the skies, the stars, they're used to being left alone.
You lack the ebullience of your drink, but it, too, is fading.
Frost has gathered on windows, on the ground, on rivers, everywhere.
Frost comes and goes, just like you, when you finally melt away.
The city draws to darkness and quiet--it disappears, just like you.
But, even frost
the tattoo artist.she finds gems hidden underneath my skin and
rips them out with her teeth, the sores
along my arms swelling with pride and red; never
has she wondered if the pain would make me
grit my teeth into powder—no, she knows
i take it like a man takes steak:
raw and tough and bloody, like my fingers
after picking scabs to let some fresh air in; her
words are etched on the point of a needle, and she
is a tattoo artist drilling ink into my body, her lines
thick with moxie: "alive" splayed out across
my wrist, "awake" above my heart—she paints
a vision on my eyelids of an endless sky and
tells me it doesn't belong to me, but that i
can have it; perhaps foolishly,
i believe her every word
Death to the LoversHe screamed,
He tore his hair from his scalp;
But it didn't bring her back.
The beautiful girl
With the gorgeous smile
And witty remarks
Would always lay six feet under.
She would lie in her death bed,
Her arms folded on her chest
And her face full of peace
Known only to the dead.
He would be the first to rot.
First his health,
Then his sanity.
She would forever feed on his emotions
Like a pretty little leech,
Sapping his well being
And happiness from her underground world.
And he would let her,
For a fool like him
Who allowed himself to love,
Where my corpse is foundAs I lay here,
On the guest room's bed,
My grandmother exchanges the oxygen
for the delectable scents of cinnamon, sugar, candy.
She does this through the magic of baking
Gingerbread Men, Gingerbread Houses, Yule logs, Candy Canes.
While I smell my cruel ex-boyfriend's suffocating tangy cologne.
I hear the laughter of people outside the streets.
Their loud, cheerful voices show the huge smiles on their frost bitten faces.
While my ears hear the bitter melody of arguments.
My parents' failure to stay together as promised in a holy place
caused my lovely imprisonment here at my sweet grandparents' house.
Through the slight opening of my door and through the windows,
Color penetrates the Darkness I have worked hard to create.
One usually embraces the Illuminating Decorations.
While I lie down here to reminisce my friends
Who are Traitors;
Proof of their conniving betrayal was the broken art project
of A Christmas Star
sitting alone on the floor.
People at this time feel w
Untitled ApathyI go to bed before I'm really tired
And I wake without getting sleep
This sick redundancy, inevitable
I miss you more each week.
I dyed my hair and changed my ways
But nothing could have prepared me
For the blow of feeling betrayed.
Liars, fake appearances
Her words were sharp enough to kill,
His ironic enough to put me to eternal sleep
"I hope the chaos in your life settles down soon"
Do you know how much your words still make me weep?
"I'm getting better every week", I say
To comfort you
But I know that no one's fooled
Not even me
And each day that I'm not in your arms
Just makes me slip further away...
The lights are dimming slowly
In the darkness, who will send hope out to comfort me?
Her lies, their accusations
Or his soundless, heartless silence
So thick and fattening
Oh watch me burn
I'll flame so brightly
In this hatred and this loss
Don't cry for me; all tears have already fallen and dried
In this desert of lies.
Crown of ThornsShe wakes up with red staining her pillow
and the taste of blood like iron in her mouth
It stains her teeth and leaks from her lips, and as she
rinses her mouth out, she can’t help thinking that
it’s better than dirt and ashes
it feels like she’s wearing a noose
of broken promises and shattered glass
that tightens around her throat with every day that passes
She nails a smile to her face
and doesn't let herself think the word dying
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